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Friday, October 30

Best Relationship Advice you Ever Received

Relationships are hard. They take a lot of dedication, focus, and work. Finding the right person to settle down with can often feel like a very frustrating game of chance. And even when you do find the right one, you’ll still have your work cut out for you as you make an effort to maintain your relationship.
If you’re looking for a little guidance when it comes to love, you’ve come to the right place. The Cheat Sheet spoke with eight top relationship experts to get some of their best advice. So pull up a chair and read on for more.

1. Take it easy

The best relationship advice I’ve ever gotten, and that I give, is “easy does it.” Too often we get caught up in fear-based needs to control our partner. This pull becomes a destructive compulsion that corrodes the integrity of the relationship. It replaces respect and compassion with anger and resentment. It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.
This advice impacted the way I approach romantic relationships in that I allowed for a lot more space, which in turn allowed for less reactivity, more peace, happiness, and respect.  The classic struggle of all relationships is finding the right calculus in the togetherness-and-autonomy equation. Typically, when a relationship is under stress, one of the partners asks for physical space to break the tension. This is suboptimal. The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. To do this, partners need to allow each other the space to be themselves and to have their experiences without trying to control the outcome or think that you are responsible for their lives and reaction. It’s hard work and takes practice, but the rewards are well worth the effort.

2. Give 90%
My parents advised what they did in their own marriage: “both of you always think about giving 90% to your partner and you both will be very happy.”  They meant it’s so important to think about how your partner is feeling, to stand in their shoes, to be giving and compromising, and emotionally generous. That 10% is for the understanding that sometimes it’s also OK to be a bit selfish, to place your needs first, or stand firm on something. They also made clear that this only works if you are both giving 90%.
I just celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary. I definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time and try to be compromising. In return I feel he is 90% thinking of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving. Sometimes this means giving something up, but actually most times this means we both get what we want and we both feel very loved, supported, and that we are in each other’s corner. I don’t feel afraid to be giving, because he really has my best interests at heart. We are a terrific team and often we agree on what we want. And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants.

3. You are responsible for your own happiness



It’s not my partner’s job to make me happy. It’s my job to make me happy. Of course it’s easy to feel good when my partner is acting in a way that I want —but needing them to be a certain way in order for me to feel good —that’s bondage. Thinking that they’re always going to be in a good mood and directing their affectionate attention towards me — while that may be possible during the initial stage of a relationship, is impossible to sustain long-term. I’m responsible for my happiness. My partner is responsible for her happiness. We deliberately focus on things to feel good in our lives and for things to appreciate in one another.
If you’re looking for someone to complete you —or vice versa—you’re looking in the wrong direction for the lasting happiness, wholeness, and fulfillment that you truly seek. Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a way to feel how you want to feel regardless of what you’re partner is saying or doing?
This advice transformed every relationship in my life – not just the romantic ones.  Before I knew these things, I was unintentionally holding my partner responsible for my happiness. When I learned that I’m responsible for my own happiness and when I learned how to consistently align with it, my entire world transformed.  I now have the freedom to choose if and when I spend time with someone else, and I deliberately choose to spend time with others who get this, too.  My relationships are more meaningful, more loving, more free, and most importantly – more fun!  And my overall happiness continues to grow, too, regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not.

4. Stop waiting and live your life

Source: Lisa Steadman
When I was single and stressed about finding love, my good friend, Scott, a confirmed bachelor, told me this. He said, “Lisa, you need to calm down, chill out, and stop expecting love to be here already. Your sense of entitlement is killing your ability to attract a good man.” When I realized he was right, I stopped waking up every day feeling angry that love hadn’t found me yet. I stopped being resentful that my friends were married and having lives that felt out of reach to me. I stopped feeling like my life was on hold. As cliché as it sounds, I stopped waiting and started living. Overnight, my outlook changed. My results changed, too. I started meeting men wherever I went. I went on dates, had fun, didn’t give my heart away foolishly, and met my husband. I knew he was The One when he told me, “I’ve always been too nice for the naughty girls and too naughty for the nice ones.” That had been my experience with men.
My advice for singles who are struggling in their search is to look within and ask themselves what part of their own life still needs work. When you clean up your side of the street, you make room for a perfectly imperfect person to see you, celebrate you, and love you. And remember that Mr. Right [or Ms. Right] will not be perfect, but will be perfect for you, just as you’ll be perfectly imperfect for him [or her].

5. Love yourself

couple, cuddle, bed
You can’t love anyone more than your willingness to love yourself. Through this advice I learned about the importance of caring for my mind, body, and spirit. I liken love to the oxygen mask on a plane. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to the person next to you. This advice improved my chances of winning my wife’s hand in marriage. She was searching for true love. She wanted someone to spend the rest of her life with.Conveying to her that I loved myself signaled that I could be a pillar of strength and compassion.

6. Don’t put boundaries on others


You can’t put boundaries on someone else—only yourself. If someone is treating you badly, you can’t change their behavior. But you can ask yourself why you accept it and how you can put a boundary on yourself so that you won’t accept it again. It made me take more responsibility for my role in bad relationships. Instead of feeling like a victim of circumstance, I was empowered to reject bad treatment and choose a different person. Also, [remember that] life is a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you believe you are undeserving of happiness, love and prosperity, that’s what the universe will give you.

7. Sometimes love is where you’d least expect it

The hottest, most fun, sexiest, interesting, growth-stimulating, spontaneous, most romantic, most eye-opening relationships or experiences all were not with people that I thought I would end up with. Just because a relationship has a shelf life doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enter into it. This advice allowed me to enjoy each interaction for what it was and not try to make it something it wasn’t. And at the end of the day, our life is just a conglomeration of memories and I have many happy memories to think on. This gives me the freedom to experience all life has to offer!
Other good advice: “Always be unexpected.” This doesn’t have to be in grand gestures, but predictability in a relationship = boring = death of romance. Worst Advice? “Don’t worry, it’ll happen.” If I wanted to learn French, if someone told me “Don’t worry, it’ll happen,” how stupid does that sound?! Dating is a skill set like every other and you get out of it what you put into it.

8. Put in some effort

Source: Thinkstock
First, you simply must put time and energy into dating. A combination of online dating and socializing (perhaps including speed dating or singles mixers) is ideal. And second, you must go about dating the right way—from a positive attitude and an effective online dating profile (I can help you with that at www.suremediagist.com) to behavior on dates and communication with potential partners. If your approach to finding love is waiting for it to just come along, you’re taking a huge risk and will probably be single for a long time. 
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Sunday, October 25

We must win the war on corruption,said by buhari

The address was held out of appreciation for late Prof. Ekundayo Akeredolu-Brew, a creator, social reporter, a graduate of the Nigeria's head College of Ibadan, the London School of Financial matters (LSE), and in addition the previous Chief, Community for Social Arrangement and Examination Educator, Nigerian Organization of Social and Monetary Exploration (NISER).

I have chosen to share the general population address not just on the grounds that I was welcome to the event however because of the way that I concur with the visitor speaker on a hefty portion of the issues raised and the need to truly consider his recommendations in our journey to winning the war on debasement. Educator Alemika, a specialist in criminal equity change, security administration, is a board individual from a few expert and scholarly associations including the CLEEN Establishment (some time ago Community for Law Authorization Training), the African Regular citizen Policing Oversight Discussion (APCOF), Altus Worldwide Organization together and an individual from the American Culture of Criminology and Foundation of Criminal Equity Sciences. He was as of late named by President Muhammadu Buhari as a part, Presidential Counseling Board of trustees on Hostile to defilement.

The visitor speaker, who had portrayed Akeredolu-Beer as his educator, coach and companion, noticed that he was one of the pioneer sociologists in Nigeria, a man of additional common judgment, grant, committed to the headway of national improvement and with "a notoriety for meticulousness, diligent work, basic and innovative thinking however "cruel" in his uncompromising interest for greatness from himself, understudies and partners", having served as his (Teacher Akeredolu-Ale's) rapporteur at different gatherings and workshops, composed for the behavior of examination and dispersal of results.

Educator Alemika watched that there were differentiating perspectives on the traits of learned people. For the hopeful perspective of learned people, they have different ideals and skills like judiciousness, objectivity, lack of bias, basic intuition and investigation of wonders or substances, determination and arrangement of basic issues influencing mankind, flexibility of thought and activity, basic engagement and restriction to persons in power and power including their strategies and activities, and progressive change specialists. These and different traits of scholarly people prepare them to talk reality to control. He, then again, noted with consternation that actually, a scholarly frequently neglects to display some or a hefty portion of these characteristics.

While investigating the scholarly people with the savvy person, the Wear said the previous alluded to persons in the public arena with high instructive accomplishment and expert abilities who possess high position inside of the general population, private and social associations and are by and large included in administration, approach making and organization, the same number of essayists had been found to utilize the terms reciprocally. Intelligent people are separated from non-erudite people by their auras and exercises as in a non-scholarly individual, however taught, is inactive rationally. Such a man acknowledges what is taught to him/her uncritically and does not strive/herself thinking about diverse issues over a compass of years.

At the end of the day, they are not sincerely dedicated to the scholarly interest, don't invest energy perusing on genuine subjects and are unequipped for shaping a sentiment past what is evident to the vast majority keeping up that intelligent people are basic and suspicious however not negative in light of the fact that basic and incredulous persons regularly cross examine marvels, arrangements and practices before taking position. They hold in temporary hold their judgment until after basic request, while the skeptic rejects thoughts and practices with no investigation into their improvement, elements and purposes. To put it plainly, doubters are guided by reason while pessimists are diverted by feeling, he noted.

Alemika conceded that talk on the parts of educated people in the public arena was frequently portrayed by debates and differences in light of the fact that savvy people were intended to seek after activities that 'reduce human enduring' as opposed to the understood thought that people with significant influence won't be really inspired by mitigating the affliction of the feeble. "Sadly, in the previous three decades, numerous scholarly people have effectively taken part in the defilement business or gave barrier to the looters that loot the assets of our offices and affiliations," he commented. Thusly, the scholarly – being gotten in the web – is required to be in favor of those agony! He kept up that savvy people don't constitute a homogeneous social classification in that the parts of the erudite people are fundamentally logical and just controlled by the political economy in which they get themselves, the class to which they offshoot themselves and in addition their cognizance.

On the basic national difficulties confronting intelligent people, Alemika said Nigeria was adversely influenced by financial, political and social issues while the ability to successfully react to them was fundamentally undermined by the contemporary comprehension of the introduction and parts of erudite people in the nation. He said the nation was all the while fighting with the test of the disintegration of good and moral establishments, perfect qualities and practices, fanatical quest for vain eminence, over the top realism and excessive political aspiration that empowered the control of religious and ethnic opinions.

Debasement is the absolute most basic contemporary risk to advancement, vote based system, and human security in Nigeria. It is in charge of the greater part of the contentions that are displayed in ethnic and religious terms. At the bases of the contentions is rivalry for the control of assets that can be abused with exemption. Foresight of advantage from sick gotten riches and control of assets by ethnic and religious business people shape the premise of backing for degenerate and wickedness rulers in different open and private associations by persons from their groups.

The barrier of degenerate rulers in different offices and relationship by their ethno-religious groups restrains powerful implementation of measures against debasement and exemption," he expressed.

Dealing with A Complex Common War Reaction by biafra

The Bureau of State Administrations (DSS) captured the dissident on Saturday October 17, 2015 in a Lagos Lodging soon after he came into Nigeria from his United Kingdom base. He was traveled to Abuja where he was likewise charged in a Justice court, which allowed him safeguard to the tune of N2m and a surety in the same sum.

Nonetheless, in the wake of consummating the safeguard conditions, Kanu couldn't be created in court on October 23, being the arrival date given by the judge, even as the DSS did not give purposes behind not conveying the lobbyist to court, in this manner energizing theories of additional legal detainment over the separatist remarks of the expert Biafra dissident.

Administrator of Intersociety, Emeka Umeagbalasi denounced the additional legal confinement of Nnamdi Kanu, even as he asked the DSS and Government not to rehash the misusing of the Yusufiyya development that prompted the additional legal executing of the bunch's pioneer, Mohammed Yusuf focusing on that Kanu's principal rights ought to be regarded.

In a meeting with select columnists in Enugu amid the 47th commemoration recognition of Biafra Day, on May 30, 2014; Kanu anticipated that by September 30, 2015 Nigeria would stop to exist even as he proclaimed his preparation to battle the distance until Biafra is cut out of Nigeria as a different republic.

He followed the killings of Igbo individuals, whom he called the indigenous individuals of Biafra; in the northern piece of the nation to the disproportionate improvement and government superstructure that tended to compensate average quality to the connivance against Igbo, saying that, "bad form makes life unendurable to our kin."

He lamented, for occasion, that 47 years after the war, war veterans from the Biafran side had not been paid their stipends like their associates, saying; "These men battled under the Emblem of Nigeria. The war broke out and they battled for their nation Biafra and they have not been paid. It is an extraordinary bad form. It is a continuation of the same bad form that drove us to attempt to remove ourselves from this Luggard creation called zoological republic of Nigeria. That is the reason it is extremely crippling that you see old men in each honored month crying and longing that their cash will come to them and nothing happens".

"For whatever length of time that the expectation and reason for the amalgamation of North and South were intended to cheat the South," he went on, "the country would never push ahead, on the grounds that any nation that makes bad form its watch word can never flourish."

"The Yorubas have been paid, the Hausa Fulani have been paid; then those of them having a place with Biafra have not been paid. It is a bad form that must be tended to and it is a piece of the motivation behind why we are doing what we are doing on the grounds that in the new Biafra we would not have this level of treachery".

He said no measure of national gatherings can take care of Nigeria's issues, on account of profound established scorn among the distinctive nationalities in the nation, adding that the main panacea to Nigeria's issues is to part it into diverse areas.

Kanu lamented that regardless of the affirmation of the "No Victor, no Vanquished" result of the 30-month Nigeria versus Biafra common war in 1970, "progressive governments had proceeded to intentionally underestimate and make life intolerable for the Igbo country and its kin".

While approaching all veritable Igbo individuals over the globe to ascend and join the campaign of guaranteeing the rise of the Biafran Republic, Kanu kept up that it was the ideal opportunity for the Igbo to haul out of Nigeria, which as per him is a fizzled country where nothing works.

He proclaimed: "There is no backtracking, by September 2015, Nigeria would have seized to exist; we should battle until we get Biafra, in the event that they don't give us Biafra, no person will stay alive in Nigeria at that point; we might transform everyone into carcasses; you better go and purchase your pine boxes. I consider how any right thinking individual would need to stay in a country where he or she has no stake or acknowledgment. The Igbos would soon move from subjugation to the guaranteed land where God has officially arranged for them, similar to the Israelites when they cleared out Egypt."

Discrediting the sufferings and desolations being confronted by common Nigerians as a consequence of debasement and awful administration, Kanu affirmed: "It is the watershed in the historical backdrop of the land expression called Nigeria. It is the fallout of the slip-up of the amalgamation of the Northern and Southern protectorates by Ruler Lugard. Nigeria is damned, particularly since the nation is driven by world-acclaimed egotistical and degenerate pioneers, who don't have confidence in the wellbeing of the poor masses."

Doing combating Tip top Lack of approachability

Prior to his most recent travails in the hands of the DSS, Mazi Nnamdi Kanu, had been at war with his previous companions in the Development for Realization of the Sovereign Condition of Biafra (MASSOB) and some Igbo world class, who saw his tumult as adolescent endeavor to repeat history.

Yet, in spite of world class open dismissal of any endeavor to revive secessionist plans in the South East geopolitical zone, the resurgence of master Biafra associations in the territory has proceeded with staggering enthusiasm pretty much as the Police and other security offices keep on clasping down on them.

For example, a year ago, scarcely 24 hours after the South-East Governors' Discussion (SEGF) ascended from its meeting in Enugu to censure the endeavor by another separatist gathering, Biafran Zionist Organization (BZF) to grab the Enugu State TV Administration (ESBS) radio and TV slot to proclaim a Republic of Biafra, the cenotaph constructed by Nnamdi Kanu's IPOB was demolished by obscure persons.

In a report marked by Governors Theodore Orji, Martin Elechi, Sullivan Ring and Delegate Governors of Anambra and Imo States, Dr. Nkem Okeke and Eze Madumere separately, the SEGF had removed themselves from exercises of the professional Biafran gathering reviewing how it endeavored to attack Enugu State Government House to derrick its banner.

The then executive of SEGF, Senator Orji, who read the report to columnists said they were absolutely against such a move to announce a Condition of Biafra focusing on that' "We denounced the endeavor by the purported Biafra Zionist League drove by one Benjamin Igwe Onwuka, who prior endeavored to pick up section into government house, with the end goal of raising their banner and for attacking the ESBS on Thursday, fifth June, 2014 trying to assume control over the media house and pronounce the condition of Biafra."

Amazingness Fight

At the point when the Biafran Saints Cenotaph at Ngwo, Enugu; was crushed blaming fingers were likewise pointed I the bearing of the MASSOB, which pioneer, Raph Uwazurike, was affirmed to have sent the more than 30 young fellows that wrecked the concrete figures built by IPOB.

In spite of the fact that the MASSOB pioneer, Boss Raph Uwazuruike couldn't react to the claims that his men crushed the multi-million cenotaph, sources near the MASSOB pioneer unveiled that Uwazuruike was bothered at the boldness of IPOB pioneer, Mazi Nnamdi Kanu, to raise an adversary gathering to battle the reason for Biafra.

The source claimed that Kanu's offense against Unwazurike was that he purportedly stolen the whole of N4 million given to him by Uwazuruike to set up Radio Biafra, including that Kanu fled the nation deserting his wedding service when MASSOB individuals attacked the place where he grew up in Umuahia to consider him answerable for the cash.

Be that as it may, the IPOB pioneer, Kanu, denied the charges, saying that Uwazuruike sent his men to pulverize the cenotaph that cost a large number of naira out of jealousy, including that "Uwazuruike wrecked the Ngwo landmark on the grounds that he couldn't fabricate one; he knows whether he assembles one he will kick the bucket in light of the fact that he is a liar and double crosser."

While indicating out that he has done what Uwazuruike couldn't do, Kanu focused on, "we have brought Biafrans up in more than 88 nations while he is just important in Okwe; he is a hooligan for government officials and not a flexibility contender."

On the assertion of theft the IPOB pioneer shouted, "Stole four million naira? Lol! In what manner would I be able to steal cash to run Radio Biafra? Idiotic dark individuals who can't reason appropriately; I didn't steal any cash. I got to be bankrupt in light of what I put into Radio Biafra, falsehoods and liars."

Buhari Versus Igbo

RELATIONS between the Central Government headed by President Muhammadu Buhari and Nd'Igbo have not been smooth as a condition of shared suspicion and hatred supports the relationship in light of the fact that while President Buhari trusts that Igbo don't care for him, Nd'Igbo blame the president for rebuffing them for not voting in favor of him amid races.

Igbo pioneers, particularly the Igbo Pioneers of Thought, drove by Prof. Ben Nwabueze, have kept on griping against the disproportionate arrangements made by President Buhari, saying that out of longing to seek after grudge against Igbo, the president has been mocking sacred procurements and precepts of Nigeria's federalism.

In a report by ILT after its meeting in Enugu Saturday, the gathering censured President Buhari's one man guideline, saying the president's authority style "had created much pressure and hindrance and also genuine impediment of the economy, social disengagement, frailty and polarization along ethnic and religious lines."

A portion of the dispatch read: "The ILT noticed that five months since he was confirmed President Buhari has not possessed the capacity to shape an administration but rather has kept on decision alone. The ILT noticed that the President Buhari has damaged the Constitution of the nation in such a variety of ways, including the arrangements he has made in this way.

"The ILT noticed that President Buhari's one man standard has created much pressure in the area, and has brought about genuine hindrance of the economy, social separation, frailty and polarization along ethnic and religious lines. The ILT bolsters the battle against debasement gave it is not particular and subject to established limitation.

why a few Ladies See Outrage inside of themself

ladies tend to cover their indignation at other ladies,we suggest that ladies have built up a safeguard against animosity from other ladies. In particular, the creators guarantee that ladies may be one-sided toward seeing annoyance in other ladies' confronts, regardless of the fact that those ladies' demeanors are sincerely nonpartisan. The creators contend that it's more versatile to have a couple of false alerts (seeing non-undermining individuals as debilitating) than to neglect to see a genuine risk. So ladies will fail in favor of alert and over-see outrage on the characteristics of other ladies.

Keeping in mind the end goal to test this theory, the creators led an extra investigation. In this study, 88 members were solicited to see an arrangement from photos of individuals making unbiased face looks. They were informed that every individual had recently remembered a specific feeling (e.g., displeasure, apprehension, pride) and after that had attempted to shroud the feeling with an impartial expression. They were likewise informed that hints of the feeling may in any case wait on the face, as microexpressions. Truth be told, unbeknownst to the members, the majority of the photographs demonstrated a totally unbiased expression, and they were just haphazardly matched with the feeling data. Members were then requested that rate the degree to which they felt every individual was communicating different feelings.

The outcomes demonstrated that ladies were more probable than men to see outrage in the female countenances. What's more, this wasn't on account of ladies were just by and large more inclined to over-see outrage in all confronts: Ladies will probably see outrage in female than in male countenances. Also, this example of results happened for displeasure, and not for different feelings, recommending that it's particular to outrage and not the case that ladies simply read more feelings (of any sort) into other ladies' appearances.

The creators likewise speculated that ladies who are sexual rivalry for other ladies, and accordingly potential focuses for their animosity, will be the most inclined to seeing indignation in other ladies' appearances. Other examination has demonstrated that ladies who are sexually alluring or all the more sexually accessible have a tendency to be the objectives of this sort of aggression.4,5 In this manner, the creators anticipated that ladies who consider themselves to be sexually attractive would be particularly inclined to see outrage in other ladies' nonpartisan face looks.

In a third investigation of 56 grown-ups, the creators rehashed the passionate discernment test, however this time, they additionally requested that members report all alone sexual appeal and sexual accessibility (i.e., being interested in easygoing sex and reporting more sexual accomplices). Their outcomes by and by uncovered the predisposition for ladies to see outrage in other ladies' impartial countenances. What's more, ladies who saw themselves as attractive, or who were sexually accessible, displayed this predisposition more than the individuals who considered themselves to be less alluring or accessible. The creators inferred this inclination is particularly versatile for these specific ladies on the grounds that they are, truth be told, destined to be under risk from other ladies.

While these examinations gave decent control over the appearances and expressions, I would in any case be interested how these impacts play out when ladies are really collaborating with each other, as opposed to taking a gander at outside of any relevant connection to the issue at hand photographs. Would extra situational connection make ladies pretty much prone to see outrage in these unbiased countenances? What's more, does this inclination stretch out past outward appearances to the translation of manner of speaking, motions, or different practices? I would likewise suspect that the inclination would be decreased or vanish if members in the study had not been unequivocally informed that the general population in the photographs were covering their feelings.

This concentrate additionally brings up the issue of regardless of whether this inclination is prone to lead ladies to all the more precisely see other ladies' feelings. In the last two trials, the majority of the outward appearances truly were unbiased, yet as the creators found in the first study, ladies' impartial expressions with other ladies will probably veil irate emotions. So in this present reality, the predisposition archived by the specialists might really prompt more precise recognitions. Then again, if real nonpartisan expressions are being seen as irate in an expansive exhibit of settings, it is likely that the predisposition is driving ladies to false decisions around each other.

The study's creators clarify their discoveries as far as sexual rivalry. Notwithstanding, it's likewise entirely conceivable that social standards added to their outcomes. Ladies may cover resentment in light of the fact that outrage is seen as particularly socially unsuitable for ladies to show. As the first study appears, ladies know about their own particular propensity to veil outrage, so they may construe that other ladies are like them, and are additionally particularly prone to cover indignation. Consequently they may be anticipating their own particular propensities onto the ladies they're survey. Men, who may not be as mindful of ladies' propensity to veil outrage, have less motivation to suspect that a lady's impartial face is concealing resentment, and subsequently don't have the same one-sided recognitions.

These discoveries make me wonder if the impression of "resting bitch face" is conceived, to some degree, from sexual rivalry between ladies. In spite of the mainstream thought that allegations of resting bitch face are results of sexism, the specialists found that men were very as prone to see outrage in resting male countenances as female appearances. In this manner, ladies appear to be the ones more prone to see a resting bitch face.

Why your shouldnt Give Friends Relationship Advice

When a companion is whining around an issue, and we simply know we have an extraordinary arrangement. On the other hand possibly we see an issue that we think a companion isn't completely mindful of, and we need to attract it to his or her thoughtfulness regarding offer her some assistance with solving it. In spite of our great aims, however, our recommendation may not be welcome, nor might it be extremely useful. 

Giving spontaneous exhortation, especially spontaneous counsel about somebody's sentimental relationship, is loaded with trouble. So I am going to encourage you not to give individuals spontaneous relationship exhortation. 

The incongruity is not lost on me that I am going to give exhortation about not giving counsel. Be that as it may, I'm particularly alluding to spontaneous exhortation—that is, counsel the beneficiary did not ask. 

primary reasons why spontaneous relationship guidance is particularly prone to reverse discharge 

You're making the beneficiary feel terrible about himself or herself. 

Accepting guidance from another person can be a hit to the personality for various reasons. When you give a companion guidance, you are suggesting that he or she isn't skillful to handle the circumstance on her own.1,2 Regardless of the fact that you don't expressly say this, it is inferred by the way that you feel the need to offer the counsel. Besides, you are likewise suggesting that you know not your companion, placing yourself in a position where you are superior.3 This puts the relationship on unequal balance, and is liable to make the beneficiary uncomfortable. At last, such counsel can likewise be seen as a push to control the beneficiary. Along these lines, it debilitates his or her feeling of independence.4,5 

In the event that your recommendation includes scrutinizing a companion's sentimental accomplice, this guidance is, in some sense, a feedback of the companion also. Couples who are close and reliant have a tendency to have "covering selves"6—that is, they consider themselves to be a "us." A risk to the accomplice is a danger to the couple, which is a risk to the self. In a prior post, I talked about how individuals go to awesome agonies to keep up positive pictures of their sentimental accomplices. This is, to some degree, in light of the fact that our accomplices are an augmentation of ourselves, so we ensure them to secure our own consciences. Along these lines, relationship exhortation that includes reprimanding somebody's sentimental accomplice may be seen as expressly annoying. 

It can hurt your relationship. 

Unwelcome exhortation doesn't simply make the beneficiary feel awful about himself, it makes him or her vibe awful about their association with you too. As time goes on, incapable backing can lessen trust between the provider and collector and really hurt your relationship.7 One reason is that accepting backing can make the beneficiary feel obliged to the supplier, expanding strain in the relationship.8 Likewise, spontaneous counsel can be unsafe in light of the fact that it is liable to be translated as feedback instead of an endeavor to help1,9—and feedback is particularly lethal for relationships.10 Giving spontaneous guidance can likewise make the beneficiary more averse to go to you for exhortation in the future.11 So notwithstanding when a companion needs counsel, you won't be the one he or she swings to. 

It is unrealistic to offer assistance. 

You may think, "Beyond any doubt, this guidance is difficult to take, and it could annoy my companion or make my companion irate with me, yet it's justified, despite all the trouble in light of the fact that the exhortation will offer assistance." And truth be told, we are destined to give spontaneous counsel to those with whom we feel the nearest, since those are the general population we need to help the most and feel most great helping.12 On the other hand, beneficiaries of undesirable exhortation regularly dismiss it—so your brilliant, well meaning counsel is unrealistic to be utilized. Beneficiaries regularly consider it to be unseemly and don't discover it helpful13,14—truth be told, undesirable exhortation can really make individuals feel worse.15 

There are a few reasons this sort of backing is incapable: to some degree, this is on the grounds that backing is best when it coordinates the beneficiary's needs.16 So in case you're giving the sort of assistance that your companion doesn't need—i.e., giving exhortation when he or she doesn't need it—your backing is liable to be unhelpful. You may believe that if your companion is letting you know about relationship issues, he or she must be doing as such in light of the fact that they need your recommendation. This is not generally the situation. At the point when individuals discuss their issues, it doesn't as a matter of course imply that they are doing as such as an approach to look for counsel. They might essentially be searching for sensitivity or confiding so as to attempt to bond with you in you.17,18 

As I said, undesirable counsel can be seen as a danger to the beneficiary's freedom, so they may dismiss it (regardless of the fact that it is equitably great) as an approach to reaffirm their self-sufficiency. Likewise, the negative impacts on the beneficiary's self-regard, talked about prior, add to their feeling this sort of backing is unhelpful. 

Other exploration has observed that discussing relationship issues with one's sentimental accomplice is useful, yet examining those issues with companions has no impact on the relationship.19 This is, obviously, a normal impact—there may be times while talking about relationship misfortunes with companions aides and times when it harms. Given other examination demonstrating how spontaneous guidance is seen contrarily, however, it is likely that such collaborations have, best case scenario, a nonpartisan impact on the sentimental relationship itself. 

This doesn't imply that you ought to stand without moving by on the off chance that somebody is in a hurtful circumstance. However, think deliberately before giving spontaneous exhortation, as it is liable to be overlooked and can strain your association with the beneficiary. Rather, attempt to discover more unpretentious, less undermining approach

Saturday, October 17

Friday morning bomb attack in Umarari Bayan Waya area of Mulai Village in Maiduguri

File Photo: Gombe presidential rally Car-Bomb-Blast in 2014
Few  three Female suicide bombers on Friday, attacked the Umarari Bayan Waya area of Mulai Village in Maiduguri, the Borno State capital with Improvised Explosive Devices (IED), leaving at least seven people feared killed and 17 others injured.
The blast was reported to have occurred around a few minutes past 5am when Muslim faithful were getting ready for the early morning prayer, reports Channels TV.
The explosion claimed the lives of the suicide bombers and four others while 17 injured are currently receiving treatment at the Specialist Hospital.
This is coming barely 24 hours after many worshippers were feared dead in a bomb explosion in a mosque around Mulai area of Maiduguri.
The bomb went off when worshippers were observing their Magrib prayers.
Dozens of worshippers were killed when two suicide bombers blew themselves up in the mosque, witnesses said.
“All the people in the mosque died. Not a single one escaped,” said Muhtari Ahmadu, a trader near the scene.
“We counted 42 dead bodies outside the mosque,” added Amadu Marte, a vigilante supporting the security forces in the fight against the Islamist Boko Haram group, which has carried out repeated attacks in the region.

Ex-governor was arrested by Effcc for alleged theft of N100bn from state treasury

The former governor of Akwa Ibom state and the senate minority leader has been reportedly arrested by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC).
According to Premium Times, Akpabio was picked on Friday, October 16 at about 5.20pm. He was said have been accompanied a Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN) Ricky Tarfa and  a few aides.
“He was brought in at about 5.20 pm accompanied by a few aides and Mr. Rickey Tarfa. It is not yet known whether he will be allowed to go this night. It depends on how the interrogation goes", a source at the agency told the online news portal.It was gathered that Akpabio is being grilled by top EFCC officials over alleged theft of N108.1billion of Akwa Ibom funds by the former governor.
Former Governor of Akwa Ibom, Godswill Akpabio
As the investigation began in June after a lawyer and activist based in Abuja, Leo Ekpenyong forwarded a petition to President Muhammad buhari and the anti-graft agency, asking that Akpabio be probed for looting Akwa Ibom state treasury.
In his petition dated June 22, copying that Buhari and the Inspector General of Police, Solomon Arase, Ekpenyong detailed Akpabio’s alleged financial recklessness.
He alleged that between January and December 2014, the ex-governor colluded with two of his top aides to steal N108.1 billion from the state’s treasury.
Ekpenyong also told the EFCC that the former Government House Permanent Secretary, Etekamba Umoren, and the former Accountant General of the state, Udo Isobara, colluded with Mr. Akpabio to steal the funds.
“Between January – December 2014, it is on record that the trio of Godswill Akpabio, Mr. Etekamba Umoren and Mr. Udo Isobara, made illegal but substantial withdrawals of cash from a designated state government-owned account with Zenith Bank with account number: 1010375881 amounting to N22.1 billion,” he stated in the petition.
“It is worthy of note that reasons for such ungodly cash withdrawals against financial regulations and due process laws range between sundry use and unjustifiable expenditures by Godswill Akpabio and his numerous surrogates and proxies.
“For example, a whopping N18 billion was withdrawn fraudulently from the state FAAC account with the United Bank for Africa in trenches of N10 million and above by Mr. Isobara in a surreptitious manner to conceal their dishonest intention.”
Ekpenyong said Umoren's reward for assisting Akpabio to launder the stolen funds was an appointment as the Government House Chief of staff. He is currently the secretary to the Akwa Ibom state government under udom emmanuak,s administration.
The petition also alleged that over N50 billion of Akwa Ibom funds were spent by the former governor during the last general elections.
“The cumulative aggregate of these monies stolen by Godswill Akpabio from the coffers of government as pocket money is the annual budget of some states in Nigeria put together,” the petition reads as stated.

Road safety officer got arrested by Ekiti governor for traffic offence

Governor ordered to arrest officer after sighting him driving against traffic offence.Ayo Fayose. 
 the governor as shown his picture belowGovernor Ayodele Fayose.
The ekiti State Governor, Ayodele Fayose on Friday, October 16, arrested a Federal Road Safety Corps officer at Ikere Ekiti for breaking traffic rules.
Report said the road safety official, identified as Mr. Alabi, was driving a Peugeot 505 car to Ikere Ekiti, but took the wrong lane while trying to avoid the failed part of the road.
One of the governor's aides said Fayose was upset because Alabi took a wrong lane so as to dodge the bad road on which his convoy travelled.
The governor however directed the office of the Ekiti State Traffic Management Agency in Ado Ekitito book the driver accordingly.
Fayose had just finished the flag off of the Ado-Ikere-Iju dualisation and the commissioning of the downtown market stall in the town before the dramatic arrest.

Best working Ways to Heal a Broken Relationship

The fact that Healing a broken relationship can be tough actually most especially when you’re still determining whether the relationship is fixable or not or when your are thinking about something else or have so many things in mind. But if you know in your heart your relationship is worth saving, here are few ways to rebuild it and start anew believe me, broken relationship is worth giving a second chance.

(1) its good to Practice active listening with your partner. When a conversation or argument arises, take a step back and really listen to what they’re saying because its very important to know who your are having affair with. This will show you and your partner that you are willing to put their feelings and concerns before your own.

(2) Forgiveness is one of the hardest but most crucial steps to healing a broken relationship. This may require a number of honest conversations with your partner and God, even counseling. If you’re not in a place to forgive the person you’re with and move past your pain from the past, than the relationship can’t be saved.
(3) honest,Communicate your requests and concerns. While constant arguing and nitpicking will only make the current situation worse, make sure you’re not neglecting your feelings or ignoring your emotions for the sake of building the relationship up.
(4) Responsibility is a two way street, it’s important that you acknowledge your actions and role in the relationship getting to the state it’s in. Let go of the explanations and excuses. Once you acknowledge your responsibility, you will start to look at the relationship through a whole new lens.
AND AS WELL
Patience is a major key to healing a broken relationship and rebuilding trust. Give your partner as much time as they need to rebuild trust. This will take time and it won’t be easy, but if you remain patient and give your partner adequate time to heal, your relationship will only get stronger.